Ruby the Clown lands expensive endorsement deal... like a Clown

It has been revealed to C&CQ sources that a lucrative deal between Hargrove’s Newest clowning sensation “Ruby” and Matsamuro  Heavy Industry Concern in Yan Jing has fallen through.  Despite what seemed to many an open and shut negotiation, the somewhat reclusive clown backed out of the deal. 

Available Products include "Safe Clowning Shoes" and "Non-Toxic Squirt Flower"

 

Press Secretary for President Wang of Matsamuro, Scoop Chang said that Ruby was happy to be paid to have his stage name on the products, but he balked at having his image on the products.  

(not pictured: Ruby)

“He was all in with us for product design and testing, but when it came time for marketing talks, he kind of lost interest.  So we went on without him.”

The marketing was to be a huge internet campaign where Ruby would dance, juggle, unicycle, and walk on stilts on several pop up ads that would persist on peoples computers until an order of $25 or more was placed through approved websites.  The pop up ad was to have originated with a Chinese virus that would install on users PCs as soon as they searched google for anything clown, costume, or Halloween related. 

At the eleventh hour, Ruby backed out of the deal.  He said he was happy to lend his name, but he was unwilling to be the face of a public campaign.  Citing something about “being in hiding from the mob”  shyness in social media. 

When asked for comment, President Wang said, “We regret the loss of a valuable partnership with Ruby the clown, but celebrate our new line of clown accessories which we are calling Rubie’s Clown Gear.”  He went on to say, “Has anybody seen my rolex watch, diamond encrusted letter opener or my solid gold and sapphire pen set?  They seem to have disappeared right around the time this whole Clown thing started. “ 

Ruby was unavailable for comment, but you can catch his public act at the Hargrove’s Family Circus on Saturday.  Midway opens at 6:00, the “Greatest show on the Block ®” begins at 7:00. 

(The Clown hat, one of Rubie's newest offerings for the Slutty Costume crowd)

Recent Injury Brings New Act to Center Ring

Skylar Toppolet was injured in a recent accident at the Hargrove Family Circus. Falling from her high wire act under suspicious circumstances, the injury to Skylar's leg and ankle has left her as a mere sideshow freak, instead of the signature talent of the Hargrove Family Circus.

Rolling into to take the place of Skylar nearly immediately is acrobat Ariel Swinger and her catcher Robert Flyer. Their performance can be seen here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=i8JyLpmgjGY#at=362

Though an unusual act, many familiar with the circus feel that Ariel lacks the precision and vitality necessary to remain in the center ring for long. Speculation as to which act will replace Ariel should she eventually "fall" is heating up.

Much of this speculation surrounds, Twisty Kristy, contortionist and acrobat. Kristy has received recent positive press for her remarkable aerialist performance, making a name for herself and bringing in huge crowds to the circus. Take a look at a previous tape of her remarkable performance here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jYY-V6p2Kew#!

As the final performance at Newton Mansion looms those close to the circus indicate that a new act may be entering the center ring very soon.

A generous Games Manager: "Just giving shit away"

All decent circuses have a good Midway.  Hargrove’s Family Circus has one too. 

This season, the Hargroves are trying to stop hemorrhaging cash from their Prizes budget line item.  They recently parted ways with Shady Carnavral, their one time games manager.  Carnavral was just too loose with the Alf dolls, and Teletubbies collectibles for Mrs. Hargrove’s taste.  “I would go out to the midway between main events to stroll around and I would hear not just one talking MC Hammer figurine saying “2 legit 2 quit”, but dozens of them all around me.” Said the co-founder of the Family Circus.  The talking figurine is like the gold medal of the circus midway in that only one should be awarded every four years. 

Hargrove blames Carnavral for virtually giving the prizes away without even trying to scam the players a little more.  When asked to elaborate on her former games manager, Hargrove said, “He would be like, “Ring the bottle!  Ring the Bottle!  You Ring one, you win one!”  Everybody who’s worth a shit in this business knows that is just what Barkers say to bring the rubes in.  Once hooked and playing, the goal is to keep them playing and that is done with the promise of getting something better.  Not giving them prizes.  Shady would give in too easily.  I saw a kid.  A little Kid talk his way in to a 3 foot tall care bear.  A fucking kid for Christ’s sake.   He wasn’t cut out for the carnival.  Hopefully he finds work in charity or some other loser shit line of work.” 

The midway for Hargrove’s Capital City stop will open around 6:00.

Mayhem High School Marching Band to lead Circus Parade.

Local High School Marching Band gets the nod to lead the circus from the train depot to the Historic Mansion for their DC show.  The Marching Raven Toots will be led by the Raven as grand marshal of the parade as it winds its way through the busy streets of Columbia Heights en route to the Historical Newton Mansion in the heart of Mt. Pleasant. 

Mayhem high is still recovering from the loss of their popular Quarterback, Bobby Backer who was cut down in his prime at the homecoming dance a few years back.  Murdered by poison. 

 To throw them a bone, their performance was given a thousand bonus points in the brutal “Marching Band Idol” competition held to choose the band that will lead the circus parade.  Their 1007 point total score narrowly beat out the International Bucket Drummer Corps’ 998 to claim the top spot.

If you’re interested in reading more about the tragic loss of Bobby Backer, or you just like to troll High School newspapers, looking for girls with low self esteem,  C&CQ has permission from “Gabby”  to repost a link to The Ravens Rag. 

Enjoy

http://mhsravensrag.blogspot.com/

Bearded Lady forced to resign under performance enhancing substance scandal

Barbara Barbarosa, the belle of the Hargrove side show has been forced to "seek a freak show with looser moral values and ethical standards than they have at the Hargrove Family Curcus".  According to a source close to the owners of the circus.  Ms. Barbarosa was once the "prettiest woman with a beard" this side of Harpers Ferry.  But it may have all been an illusion. After the circus train pulled out of Deleware,  the trash bucket near her car was found to be full of rogaine and just for men bottles and boxes.  This evidence indicates that not only was she cheating on her beard growth, but she was beginning to show her age too.  When confronted by side show authorities, she did not deny the doping allegations and merely began to whimper about how unfair the life of a side show freak can be at times.

People don't want to see freaks that appear down on their luck.  It takes away from the experience of gawking at abnormality.

Rumors that the strong man Muscles McGee was donating some of his back hairs to supliment Barberas beard could not be substantiated as of press time.

C&C Quarterly's Semi Annual Circus Focus Issue visits the Hargrove Family Circus

In this year's focus issue, Circus & Carnival Quarterly (C&CQ)'s beat reporter, Chuckles Scooper, visited with the management and performers of the family owned Hargrove Family Circus now touring the Mid Atlantic region with stops in Lewes Deleware, Atsion New Jersey, Upper Marlboro Maryland and Mt. Pleasant DC. We will peek under the tent to see how a traditional family owned / family operated circus can compete in the modern entertainment landscape. 
As an added bonus, any C&CQ reader who brings a copy of this issue to Hargrove's October 27 performance at the historical Newton Mannor will recieve 6% off admission of a second minor. 

Midway opens at 6:00, Ringmaster takes the reins at 7:00 sharp. 

I mention here for no reason the perfect safety record that the Hargroves frequently point to with a sense of pride.  Despite being a low budget, discount circus, nobody has ever died mysteriously in the dozens of decades since Harold & Matilda began entertaining the ticket buying public.  We're pretty sure there's no reason to worry that a knife throwing show, high wire act, or corn dog will go horribly wrong and end up creating a pile of corpses.  Or that one of the performers, living under inhumane conditions, working for a pittance might snap and straight up murder somebody else over personal differences.  It's almost not even worth mentioning.   

Please check back frequently as our reporters from the field send back cables from the Family circus.*

* Not this Family Circus